Lest I Forget

From the Magnificat's "Reflection of the Day": "The first goal of spiritual combat, that toward which our efforts must above all else be directed, is not to always obtain a victory (over our temptations, our weaknesses, etc.), rather it is to learn to maintain peace of heart under all circumstances, even in the case of defeat." -Father Jacques Philippe Umm. Yeah. I am a total and complete failure at maintaining peace of heart. I forget every single day to ask for the graces needed to stay peaceful amid the hardships. I forget every single day when faced with the smallest annoyance, to turn to Him. I start out with the best intentions. Then I get out of bed. I may even get the coffee made with a peaceful heart. But then my day starts in earnest and I falter, I flounder, I struggle. I am anxious like Martha. I desire to have the peace of Mary. Father Philippe continues, "It is uniquely the grace of God that will obtain the victory for us, whose grac...

It is actually in the afternoon when I am writing this, so technically it would be tea time, but really, I do love to ponder things over my morning cuppa, so the title stands! What have I been pondering? Everything. It is February and dreary and dull. I desperately need something exciting, something new. So why not look at home school curriculum? I will admit it. I am in burnout mode over here. Are you? I am seeing what is going well and what is going less than well. What is going less than well? The set up of the classroom. As it stands, the classroom and the playroom are together in the loft on the third floor. We have only three bedrooms, a dining room/den, a kitchen, and one large bathroom. There is another bathroom, but I don't count it as one because the washer and dryer are in there and I use the shower stall for holding all the dirty clothes! That loft is the only extra space available for toys or classroom. But this leads to much temptation for students. In an effort...

First things first. Yarn and knitting and reading. I finished Anna's little mouse. I think she turned out cute, but there were a few learning moments I thought I would pass along. 1. Not all worsted yarn is the same. Anna liked this skein of yarn I scored for free from Knit Picks. It is a pretty color, but it is acrylic. It is much, much thicker than the Knit Picks washable wool worsted yarn I used for the dress. I would have changed yarns, except that Anna asked me to use it. 2. Working with thick yarn on tiny needles may cause the needle to snap. 3. In the end, if the recipient is happy, that is all that really matters. And she is. Waiting for her dress to be made. Taking a peek outside. It looks much warmer indoors! Ahh, that's more like it. A dress! All dressed up with a little sparkly touch for when you need to feel special! I thought I'd share my little knitting spot. My ipad has my patterns on it, the coffee is very essential, and I l...

It is coming. The time when he will have been gone longer than he was with us and I am overcome. It is the most ordinary things that catch me off guard and send me into a mess of tears and longing for my son. I need to order the new schoolbooks for the kids. And then I remember. I am sitting there packing up his books to send back because he will not use them. He had looked at them and was excited to begin second grade. Second grade. Those are the books I need to order for Jack. Jack, who was a baby when Ben looked at those books.   I found this picture among my holy articles one day not long after Ben died. The boy in the picture is definitely much younger than Ben was, but it is how I imagined our Lord greeting him as we said good-bye. Those words at the bottom? Oh my goodness.  I keep this picture where I can gaze at it and ponder my own gift of life. Am I truly appreciative of all that that means? I try, and I fail. And I try again.

It is not often that you actually get to "walk in someone else's shoes". I have sort of done that for a week now and I pray that I will remember some very important things about life. First is this: My mom is an amazingly strong woman. Second, these 'big' things in life can really bring you down if you don't look for the little moments that can warm your heart and lift you back up. For me, I find that the little things are the laugh of my toddler, the words of my preschooler, the creations of my son, the smile of my daughter. Noticing the mourning doves that skitter under the bushes each morning as I walk by their nesting spot. The curve of the mountain that I looked at every day as a child. The pattern of the frost on my van in the early morning. Nature is full of God's handiwork, and stopping to admire the beauty is essential for my well-being. Third, I must remember not to judge. It is not my place, and I do not know someone else's heart or ci...

Yesterday was one of those days. If one more person had told me one more thing that was even slightly unpleasant, well, let's just say it was a good thing they didn't! But then I read Jamie's blog and I realized that I needed to find the little things and just be thankful. There is so much to be thankful for! First, I am thankful for Jamie, who helped me to remember where my heart should be. I am thankful that my husband has a job that provides food, shelter, and clothing for us all with some left over for those unexpected bills and maybe even a treat now and then. I am thankful for unseasonably warm days in December, so the kids can play outdoors without having to get bundled up. I am thankful for little boys who like to snuggle in my arms to fall asleep.   Thankful for a spunky, sassy, full of life 3 year old little girl. Thankful for creative little boys whose Christmas list includes a metal detector and an accordion. Thankful for Cari...

Advent starts this weekend. I have been reading blogs about unplugging to help bring the focus where it needs to be. This year is just so hard. I don't know how to juggle all these things that have to get done and keep my heart and mind calm. I want to pull out all the Advent books and calendars and wreaths and cozy up with the kids and just be . Today, I have to get the house clean by lunchtime so it can be shown by the real estate agent. Tomorrow, I have to travel to visit family, which means a lot of mess when we get home. Then my family will be split for the rest of Advent. Half of us will go to my parent's house and help out there while my dad has his surgery. The other half will remain here until Christmas. Then, only God knows. We have no clear cut plans after that except that the packers will be here the first week in January. Everything is so unsettled, uncalm. (I know that is not a word) The kids are feeding on all this crazy and are just that, wild and crazy. Th...

You know the wise words "If you don't have anything nice to say...". Well, yes, that would be why I haven't written anything lately. I am going through a bit of a rough patch and can't seem to find the answers. So. Silence. But Jack asked me to post a picture of his latest Lego creation on here. That's a vacuum cleaner. Just so you don't think he got the inspiration from seeing his mom do this on a regular basis, I will admit that I wish it was me, that little Lego lady. I can't seem to keep the house clean these days. See this guy in his lounge chair? This is not me. I run a million directions all day, and at the end of the day, I cannot see any real accomplishments.    Doesn't this look like the idyllic homeschool afternoon? Yeah. That lasted all about 5 minutes. Then the mosquitoes decided to join the party. Then we had to pack it all up and head back indoors. Boo. See here? He looks like he wants to get up and do somethin...

I left the fabric unattended for only a few minutes. I promise. Therese is very quick. Why would she cut your fabric? Why? I am shocked! She does not like the shirt I picked out, so she is searching for her favorite. Her pajama shirt is purr-fect, don't you think?  While I was taking this picture they were begging to watch Netflix. Can you see how hopeful they are that I will say 'yes'? I didn't. I am mean like that. Plus I had to write this blog post. Gratuitous baby shot. I found a new blog the other day and on it she had made a wish list for February. Since I can't wish away this silly month and skip right to spring, I decided it might be good to make a list of things I would like to accomplish to make this month go faster. use my sewing machine to make some easy projects I have had bookmarked for months finish knitting my sweater make breakfast for my husband every day make bread at least once a week ...

...for me, please. Tomorrow morning, at 9 am, the piano tuner is coming. You see, the last time our piano was repaired was the hardest day of my life. I thought Ben was upstairs taking a nap when in fact my boy had died in his sleep. I am having a hard week.