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Fifteen

Tomorrow is Ben's birthday. He would have been fifteen. My mind cannot fathom that. He will always be my smiling little seven year old. Today I am allowing myself to cry. I cry because I miss him and still grieve for him. I cry over the huge hole in our family and in my heart because he is no longer present. Looking out the window this morning at the German landscape, I wondered to myself how I have carried on for so long without him here. It still seems so wrong.

After my tears, I will celebrate the short life of a very special little boy with my family. We will break our Lenten family sacrifice of no meals out and we will find some place here in Germany that serves BBQ wings and we will get very messy and eat them all without wiping our fingers, just like he used to do. We will tell all the great stories that make us laugh and remember how lucky we are to have had Ben in our lives for seven wonderful years. I will order fresh flowers for his grave. I will have Mass said for him. I will honor him in the ways I know how. And I will look forward to the day when we are reunited in God's heavenly realm of eternity.






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  1. AnonymousFebruary 21, 2015 at 8:39 AM

    I am praying for you. I love hearing stories of your Ben. I love watching your eyes light up. I love when you laugh at the things he would do or say and then watching as laugh until you cry. I know how much you treasure each memory. He was blessed to have such an adoring mother. I adore you, my friend. I hope that even as you are sad and missing him that maybe you have some peace also.

    ReplyDelete
  2. BarbaraFebruary 21, 2015 at 8:52 AM

    Praying for you today. I hope your memories and your knowledge of him waiting for you in heaven gives you peace.

    ReplyDelete
  3. UnknownFebruary 21, 2015 at 10:38 AM

    Beautiful family, may God give you abundant peace and rest in His consolation and mercy. My sorrow accompanies yours.

    ReplyDelete
  4. KrisFebruary 25, 2015 at 2:30 PM

    Just checking in for the first time this week. I hope you celebration of Ben's life was lovely. I love seeing the pictures, especially the one of Ben with Baby Anna and Baby Jack! The two of them look just like Therese and Peter.

    ReplyDelete

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