When Jack was 6 weeks old, we found out he was dairy and soy protein intolerant. They said it was possible he would "outgrow" this by the age of 3. Well, he didn't. I have learned many ways to work around his intolerance and still include cheese in our dinners. Bread, however, is very hard to find without dairy or soy, so I make our bread. I make 2 loaves at a time and it lasts almost a week. I have a bread machine and it is good in a pinch, but I really do enjoy making bread by hand. I feel a closeness to Mary as a knead the dough. I imagine her making bread for the Holy Family. I picture her working with the dough on a wooden board made by Joseph. I picture Jesus underfoot, playing contentedly. It is such a peaceful scene to ponder while my hands work the dough into a smooth, elastic ball. The house fills with such a wonderful aroma while the bread is baking, and everything seems cozy and right.
Well now. It has been quite a while, hasn't it? I have kept silent about my struggles for the past four years, mainly because I was in the midst of something that I never imagined could happen to our family. And it wasn't just my story. It still is not. A friend once told me I am an external processor, and I suppose she is right. I find that saying things out loud help me find the answer, if there is one. There was no good answer, as it turns out. And so, I am sad to say, that I am now divorced. A single mother, navigating a life I never imagined. But there are some things that haven't changed. My faith, for one. I know that God is with me on this journey and that He is way smarter and wiser than I could ever be. He has held me close as I wept and grieved the end of my marriage. He held my hand as I packed up what would fit in a moving truck and drove our belongings to a new home. He has led me to new jobs and I can only trust that all will be well if only I cont...
mmmmmm, I can almost smell it too. beautiful reflection.
ReplyDelete