Before the rest of the house was stirring, Peter and I were sitting together when we heard sleepy footsteps on the stairs. Anna came padding into the room, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. Groggily, she asked, "Mom? Tell me more about your gumball machine." Wondering if she had had a funny dream, I asked her what she was talking about, for I did not have a clue. She continued, "You know, the kind you and dad had when you were young." No, in fact, I do not know, I am thinking. I was trying hard to figure out what she was talking about. I asked her when she had heard about my gumball machine. "We were walking back from the park at Grandma's house, and you were talking about the game you and dad used to play." Suddenly, I knew! I told her, "Pinball. Not gumball! Dad and I used to play pinball machines." Sheesh! The youngsters these days!
Well now. It has been quite a while, hasn't it? I have kept silent about my struggles for the past four years, mainly because I was in the midst of something that I never imagined could happen to our family. And it wasn't just my story. It still is not. A friend once told me I am an external processor, and I suppose she is right. I find that saying things out loud help me find the answer, if there is one. There was no good answer, as it turns out. And so, I am sad to say, that I am now divorced. A single mother, navigating a life I never imagined. But there are some things that haven't changed. My faith, for one. I know that God is with me on this journey and that He is way smarter and wiser than I could ever be. He has held me close as I wept and grieved the end of my marriage. He held my hand as I packed up what would fit in a moving truck and drove our belongings to a new home. He has led me to new jobs and I can only trust that all will be well if only I cont...
"...while visions of gumballs danc'd in her head."
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Mine always want to hear about Atari and Pong!
ReplyDeleteI look at my grandchildren and feel sorry for them that their lives are based on screens. How much they have all missed. Progress ain't always progress!
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